When asked what advice should be given to an acquaintance who'd started an affair after his wife's diagnosis with Alzheimer's, televangelist and former presidential candidate Pat Robertson said, "I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her." When the interviewer asked him whether "to death doth us part" applies in this situation, Robertson said Alzheimer's was a sort of death. He acknowledged this was a difficult situation and suggested consulting an ethicist. There is another point of view, though... expressed here:
What do you think?
I doubt whether Mr Robertson is in any position to speak to any one relationship that he is not a party to.
ReplyDeleteI could not in a million years see throwing over my husband or my vows regardless of how cruel the illness, but then our relationship is solid.
Who know's however what the spiritual state of their marriage was before the illness. It would also seem to me that he might have gotten some advice before his affair not after- and maybe from a better source.
Such a raw subject for me- I have taken care of both my parents through this terrible illness. My mother just recently passed away...I always say to my husband, I know my risks are high, I hope you never dump me or leave me alone.
ReplyDeleteWe have jokes about me growing my hair long so it will be easy for him to keep me looking presentable...not sure he will learn about makeup.
I don't believe in affairs but would want my husband to go on as long as he was still taking care and showing love to me?
This is a hard subject for sure.
Personally, I agree with Dawn above. I would want my husband to go on as long as he was still taking care and showing love to me. I wonder if that's possible though...
ReplyDeleteI think one should still be faithful. You marry a person through illness, bad times, good times.
ReplyDeleteFollowing from the blog hop, and would love a comment here or a follow!
http://www.babesandkidsreview.com/2011/09/nature-made-vitamins-a-better-me/
I would suggest the issue should not be addressed in general terms. Mr. Robertson's advice is that.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion is questions need to be asked like is it inconvenience, embarassment, and/or a fleshly desire driving the decision. Our bodies will give out on us all in one way or another, but our spirit remains. Do we walk away from someone just because their body (the mind) no longer recognizes us?
God is greater than that, and supplied us with a spirit in which can reach beyond this world. He also admonishes us to not walk in the flesh. Though it may be difficult we must remain true to the values God wants us to live by.
Marriage vows are just that: vows taken before God. Jesus said, "What therefore God has joined together let no man put asunder." It's hard to deal with someone who develops dementia, but the person is no less human even when the thought processes become inaccessible. My mother suffered from dementia. Should I sever my relationship with her because she couldn't express herself easily any more? It is human nature to shrink from all kinds of suffering, but Jesus showed us the way in His passion and death.
ReplyDeletePope John Paul II wrote in Salvifici Dolores #29 the real call God makes to us when He allows suffering: ..."we could say that suffering, which is present under so many different forms in our human world, is also present in order to unleash love in the human person, that unselfish gift of one’s “I” on behalf of other people, especially those who suffer."
Delivering a loved one up to nothing but proper care and going about one's merry way is pure selfishness and a rejection of a call God makes to us. If Jesus really is at the center of our lives, we take ourselves to the foot of the cross and offer the Alzheimer's patient and our pain to Him, asking for help in bearing our burden. That help doesn't include carrying on with another women. We are way too much into the "entitlement" mind set - we are entitled to earthly happiness - that's not what the Gospel says.
Dementia is such a terrible thing and it strikes so many. I have the feeling that Pat Robertson regrets making that statement. I like the way the people in the video responded to their mates' disabilities. Pat's remarks certainly started a firestorm over a very emotional issue.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing.
Blessings,
Charlotte
Wow. Just horrifying. Lynda nailed it. There are so many ways in which love can be diminshed by the rejection of the "imperfect." This is one. It's a subject I feel so passionate about because of my daughter, who continually challenges me to be bigger and better than I am naturally. She is my ticket to Heaven, I'm sure of it. So sad. I'm glad they ended on the note they did.
ReplyDeleteTill death do us part isn't hard to understand; it's hard to live.
ReplyDeleteHaving seen my Uncle lose his wife of over 50 years to Alzheimer's, makes me believe the vows should not be broken by any illness, even as bad as this. This is a very tough question for some but not for me. I would never leave my husband an he would not leave me. My final answer. Thank you for sharing about this today.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, Jeanne
We do have the promise that God won't give us more than we can bear. I've found that in all of life's difficulties the grace isn't available until we need it. I can't imagine not caring for my RB until the end.
ReplyDeleteThe Christian radio station here was full of caller testimonies of God's grace and deep love in the midst of Alzheimer's and other long-term illnesses after this story broke.
ReplyDeleteWe had not seen the major network response, aside from the local FOX news affiliate. Thanks sharing for that surprisingly pro-marriage story.
God bless you with strength for whatever your facing this week.
It is a slow way and very painful way to lose someone you love. But these stories tell it different. Bless them all. Love covers all. Indeed.
ReplyDelete