Earlier this week, I posted Coping with Conflict Jesus' Way after we discussed this week's Sunday lectionary reading. Our priest gave an excellent homily on this topic, and I wanted to post about a new way of looking at things which came straight from his sermon.
If you'll recall, the verses we discussed in some detail were these, taken from Matthew 18:
Fr. Thanh brought out two points that I'd never noticed.
First, Jesus wasn't speaking about people outside of the church. Rather, he was speaking about hurts that happen within the church. Jesus knew that we were imperfect, and that each of us is going to hurt and be hurt by others. After all, in another place within the Gospels, he says quite clearly that he has comes to save sinners... those who are free from sin do not need a "doctor".
Secondly, according to Jesus' prescription for conflict resolution, the onus of seeking reconciliation lies with the one who has been hurt or wronged. We're not to wait until the other guy comes crawling back for forgiveness (although that might be our first instinct). Rather, we are called to take the first step. The goal - as we discovered when our ladies' group met - is to achieve unity and reconciliation within the Church. This Jesus wanted with all his heart.
And we should, too.
Jesus said to his disciples: "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.
If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that 'every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.
Fr. Thanh brought out two points that I'd never noticed.
First, Jesus wasn't speaking about people outside of the church. Rather, he was speaking about hurts that happen within the church. Jesus knew that we were imperfect, and that each of us is going to hurt and be hurt by others. After all, in another place within the Gospels, he says quite clearly that he has comes to save sinners... those who are free from sin do not need a "doctor".
Secondly, according to Jesus' prescription for conflict resolution, the onus of seeking reconciliation lies with the one who has been hurt or wronged. We're not to wait until the other guy comes crawling back for forgiveness (although that might be our first instinct). Rather, we are called to take the first step. The goal - as we discovered when our ladies' group met - is to achieve unity and reconciliation within the Church. This Jesus wanted with all his heart.
And we should, too.
With credit to Fr. Thanh Nguyen,
St. Matthew Catholic Church
Durham NC
That's a good point--taking the initiative to heal when it wasn't our fault. The interesting thing is that since conflicts are hardly ever one-sided, this is a real risk to take, b/c it almost guarantees you're going to end up apologizing, too. Things to make you go "hmmm..."
ReplyDeleteSuch a hard thing to do, but such a wonderful thing. If we could seek reconciliation with those who have wounded us, what a more peaceful world we would have.
ReplyDeleteBEing the initiator...yes, this is hard. I love that he tells us that he doesn't want our sacrifice until we are right with one another. Kind of puts it in perspective, no? Thank you for linking up to playdates this morning!
ReplyDeleteBoth of these points are so good.
ReplyDeleteFondly,
Glenda
we've just been discussing this in my church...
ReplyDeletea good post, full of truth. Nice to meet you here, visiting from the Wellspring with Laura.
I like that second point especially. Too often I am stubborn, and I dig in my heels and wait for the apology.
ReplyDeleteSo true. Reconcilation lingers because we wait for the offender to come to us. Jesus is calling us to go to them in humility, love and forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteGood points. It is up to us to set the example and begin the process.
ReplyDelete