Tech support calls from the not-too-technical

 I can't swear all of these are true, but I've known people who could have placed some of these calls!

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Tech Support: “How much free space do you have on your hard drive?”

Customer: “Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?”

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Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”

Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.”

Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”

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Customer: “Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?”

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Customer: “So that’ll get me connected to the Internet, right?”

Tech Support: “Yeah.”

Customer: “And that’s the latest version of the Internet, right?”

Tech Support: “Uhh…uh…uh…yeah.”

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Customer: “My computer crashed!”

Tech Support: “It crashed?”

Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game.”

Tech Support: “Alright, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.”

Customer: “No, it didn’t crash — it crashed.”

Tech Support: “Huh?”

Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s what I said before. Now it doesn’t work.”

(It turned out that the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship.)

Tech Support: “Click on ‘File,’ then ‘New Game.’”

Customer: [pause] “Wow! How’d you learn how to do that?”

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Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

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Technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on.  The "dust cover" turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

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A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door.  The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

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Another customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything.  After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor  screen and hitting the "send" key.

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Yet another customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked.  He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

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An exasperated caller to computer tech support couldn't get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened  when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and  pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

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Another customer called tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work.  She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen.  When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

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Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech:   "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" 

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech:   "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller:  "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

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Tech support:  What kind of computer do you have?

Customer:  A white one...

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Tech support:  Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support:  Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support:  Would you click on "start"  for me and...

Customer:  Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates!

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Customer:  Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says, "Can't find printer".  I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

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Customer:      I have problems printing in red...

Tech support:  Do you have a color printer?

Customer:      Aaaah....................thank you.

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Tech support:  What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer:  A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Tech support:  Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer:  Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Tech support:  What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer:  Netscape.

Tech support:  That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer:  Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer:   I have a problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support:  How may I help you?

Customer:  I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support:  OK,  and what seems to be the problem?

Customer:  Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called the help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support:  Are you running it under windows?

Customer:  "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

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Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer:  I don't have a P.

Tech support:  On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:  What do you mean?

Tech support:  "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer:  I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT

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